I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
