When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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