He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
