oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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