i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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