The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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