So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Rumble strips road head = magical
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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