hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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