Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
