Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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