My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
