Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
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