Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you would pick up someone in the library
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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