In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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