I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
