I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize
