Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
