I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
