I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
