It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
