I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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