I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
