PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
