I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
