just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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