Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
