thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
