Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
