i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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