All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
