He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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