Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
