Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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