based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
