I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
