I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
