Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I got inside last night via doggy door
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Two words: nipple clamps
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