no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
