I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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