I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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