That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
