tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
