I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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