He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
