I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
