I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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