yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
