I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
