and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
