i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
