A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
