I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
