She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
