I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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