i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
