I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
