would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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