Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
