I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
